Apokoronas Award to Postal Service – ‘Medieval Standard’

The citizens of Apokoronas would unanimously wish to award the local postal service the unique accolade of having achieved “The Medieval Standard of Postal Delivery.”

Indeed praise be given where it is due, but not less than ten years hence the delivery of letters and parcels to our local homes and villages could be classed as becoming almost twentieth century, and furthermore it was improving by leaps and bounds…

But now, presumably by having kept a finely tuned eye of priority on profits and staff reductions, the local Post Office provider has successfully turned back the service clock almost as far as the year of Anno Domini 1500, and thus must be applauded for achieving such an impressively downgraded level of performance in such a short time.

How ridiculous it must have been in Dickensian times when a letter could be sent, received and responded to in the same day.

Indeed Tsar Nicholas of the Russia’s whilst commanding his troops against Kaiser Bill’s onslaught in the early 1900’s could receive notes of military strategy from Rasputin (he of sexual deviation and hypnotic fame), as scribed by the Tsarina Alexander (as the big unwashed Siberian man of religion was illiterate), the letters were sent over two thousand miles, under wartime conditions and yet responded to in less than a week?.. Outrageous!

But thank goodness our Apokoronas postal service doesn’t even attempt to replicate such nonsense in endeavouring to achieve anything like such modern day efficiency.

Same day, or even same week delivery as in most parts of Europe? What piffle and tosh!

To wait at least ten days for a letter or parcel to travel from the UK to Vrysses is the norm as far as we locals understand the current circumstance.

Thereafter a letter or communication of whatever form may be dumped unceremoniously in a local Taverna, Mini Market, or Town square repository within the next five, ten or fifteen days, dependent upon postal staff availability.

OK, so this current level of service is comparatively new, and yes it would be true to say that the previous services via Vamos or Kalives were far more reliable, not to mention them being pleasant and helpful in every regard, but now we Apokoronas locals enjoy what the late Steven Hawkins described as a ‘Black hole’ of postal communication.

What matter that the Royal mail stamp, or similar from whatever country of origin, is in fact a ‘Legal Contract to deliver’. Yes by attaching a bonifide stamp, a legally binding oath is in effect passed between sender and supplier, that the said goods will be delivered safely, speedily and directly to the name ascribed without undue delay or interference.

Yet here in Apokoronas, who should be held responsible and accountable under the law when our documents and parcels are merely plonked into a free for all, open town square container for any passing fingers to trawl over?

The only thin ray of sunshine on this whole diabolical pretence of a service is that the vast majority of Greek citizens and the expat community are essentially very honest in their ways and customs.

To my homelands disgrace I could mention a number of geographical locations in the UK where such an adhoc open service of mail would have a shelf life measured in merely beats of a heart before all the mail would be taken, stripped of value and then discarded without ceremony.

So thus we hope that the Apokoronas Postal Service accept with grace their ‘Medieval Standard Award’ and do everything in their power to ensure that a Stone Age accolade is not soon to follow.

by Reginald Arkwright

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